so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
