hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
