as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
