when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
