youre lurking in front of me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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