my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
