i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize