i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
