everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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