I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
