I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
