While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
