I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
