nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
