I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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