my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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