That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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