Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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