Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
