Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Randomize