Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
