Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
