do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
