matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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