You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
