Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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