Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
