I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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