is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
