remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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