I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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