Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
