I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
