Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
