I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I believe in your delicious
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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