when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
