Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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