how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
