By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
