why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
