i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
