woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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