if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
