Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
