I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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