he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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