Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
