the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
