i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
