Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
As shirtless as possible
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
