I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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