so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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