dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
