I just saw a hot homeless man
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
