He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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