This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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