Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
