totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
