you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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