so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize