Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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