Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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