tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I died a long time ago.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize