I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
