five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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