People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
