Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
