i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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