I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize