you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's the barista slut.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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