the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
