It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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