thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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