I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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