I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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