something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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