playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was CRYING into my vagina
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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