wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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