shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize