Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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