I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
