omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
