She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
