I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
