Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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